Replacing The Merry In Christmas With Meaningful

I struggle with the word “merry” as applied to Christmas celebrations coming up perhaps as some of you do also. Without wanting to sound emotionally austere, merriness departed from my holiday celebrations after the death of my son 2 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I  continue to strive to find moments of joy and pleasures each day, despite my grief.   But, abandonment to merriness is capped by the reality of my loss and sorrow. Any parent who has lost a child can relate.

The state of merriness can be defined as an emotional indulgence to uninhibited joy, gaiety, high spirited gleefulness and joviality.

Maybe you too are approaching the Christmas celebrations while suffering from depression, grief, loss of health, relationships or finances, or a broken heart.

Going through the motions of putting on a “happy” face to mask your sadness or despair is just plain charades.  Those who love and care about you, don’t expect it in the first place.

I cannot advocate that you drape yourself in an artificial merriness for whatever reason you think you should.

Instead, perhaps you can try to strive towards finding meaningfulness in Christmas or Hanukkah instead of a pretend merriness.

Meaningfulness is a concept of a significant purpose of being.  You may not be able to magically change your mood, but you can learn to attach another meaning to Christmas and Hanukkah festivities that make it worthwhile to celebrate.

Coercing yourself to be “merry” because you are supposed to or because others expect you to be or because you don’t want to rain on the holiday spirit is self-defeating and at best exhausting to even try.

I remember some self-help guru, who has long been forgotten saying you should just walk around pretending how happy you feel with arms outstretched and huge forced smiles for at least 15 minutes to change your mood.

Playacting is what clowns do and they are experts with not only going through the motions but in dressing the part decked out in colourful costumes with brightly painted smiles greased on their face.

We laugh along with them and applaud their comical antics.  You would think with all the reinforcement of their polished wacky merriment, that their acting would permeate their psyches like osmosis.

Yet, we don’t see them return behind the curtain when their grease makeup comes off revealing the empty stares and the visible sadness reflected in their mirror.

That makes me think of the brilliant comedian and actor Robin Williams who tragically committed suicide.  He could bring out his funny persona at will in a split second that perfectly belied the sadness within.

Reframing the holidays with what you can find meaningful is more important than you trying to pretend to be what others expect you to be. 

What you can find meaningful in your life is a very personal thing and not something someone else can define for you.  I can only give you some of my own meaningful reasons to celebrate.

For those of you who have the gift of religious faith or a spiritual tradition that you can attach to the holiday celebrations, it is definitely easier.

As a Christian celebrating the birth of Christ, I lovingly look forward and embrace the rituals of Advent despite any heaviness in my heart.  The Christmas message sustains me and for that I am grateful.

Because of Christ’s birth and His teachings, I am uplifted with hope and optimistic conviction that I will be reunited again with my son.  That is meaningful to me.

Yes, I am celebrating a Spirit filled Christmas around the Birth of the Christ-child.

Celebrating gratefulness each day is a marvellous way for me to connect to what is good in my life right now. 

My foremost blessings are my health and especially my loving daughter and my two beautiful grandchildren!   

I enjoy the ritual of naming my blessings formally in prayer each night after lighting my dinner candles and informally just walking around or even waiting in line somewhere.

Yes, I am celebrating a Grateful Christmas.

I can also look forward to the Winter Solstice. I love the beauty of nature and the celestial yet mysterious universe that we know very little about.

I love the thought that since aeons, our human ancestors celebrated with festivities the “return” of the sun in late December.

Yes, I am celebrating the return of increasing daylight.

Last but not least by any means, thanks to my omnipresent passionate pursuit of the pleasures of the palate, I definitely look forward to all the gastronomic delights that make up my holiday season.

I end up thinking about the multitude of Christmas cookies I want to bake each year, but which I never seem to do all of them.  So far this year, I haven’t even started.

Then there is the Christmas Eve feast and Christmas day dinner, that I look forward to eating!  Because my main menus remain traditional year to year, there will not be much stress nor any difficult preparation, other than the Bûche de Noel.

Yes, I indeed look forward to celebrating with whatever cookies I get around to making and enjoying my exquisite Christmas feasts.

Life is life and all the inherent stresses we face don’t take a holiday break, so it is up to you to put some aside if they aren’t requiring immediate action.

The best you can do is focus on self care and your own well being so as to be more available to those you love and who support you.

I may not have merriment in the pure unadulterated sense, but the meaningfulness of Christmas and the hope it embodies gives solace and a soothing balm to my heart and soul right now.

May you too be filled with the Light and Spirit of the season and the beautiful meaningfulness it conveys!  A very Meaningful Christmas or Hanukkah to you!

Hugs to all!