This past week there have been two very high profile suicides in America that apparently 
caught everyone by surprise.
Both of these very tragic persons lived a life of fame and fortune, earned through their individual efforts and talents that brought joy and happiness to others.
One was Kate Spade, a New York-based handbag designer, who committed suicide at the mere age of only 55 years.
The other was celebrity chef/ culinary journalist Anthony Bourdain who had a very popular TV series who killed himself at 61 years.
In reading about these two very successful personalities, I was struck by the outpouring of disbelief by the family and friends of each of them.
Both left young daughters, who will forever be scared by the cruel abandonment of a mother and a father.
So what is obviously the hidden picture here of these two extremely gifted people who seemingly had everything good and wonderful in their lives?
Friends and family of Ms. Spade expressed total surprised, including the estranged husband of Ms. Spade who later admitted that his wife had suffered from bouts of depression for several years.
Kate Spade’s name was not familiar to me, nor did I follow Anthony Bourdain TV series, but was occasionally aware of his comments.
Mr. Bourdain did have a past history of substance abuse, primarily alcohol, and opioids. History of depression was not known, though a close friend mentions him having a “dark mood” for a few days.
Unfortunately, dear readers, a suicide out of the blue is fairly common! You might ask an outstanding WHY?
How could neither family nor close friends know that these people were in the most desperate anguish and suffering a human being can endure, feeling the only solution was ending their lives.
They can’t come back to explain to us what tippled them over to take their own lives, so we are left with only conjecture and trying to piece back together the last moments and days of their lives.
I have written about suicide on several previous occasions, but I felt I wanted to write again on this tragedy that can touch us all, even when we least suspect it.
Let me start right away to say that no one can totally read the mind of someone who is planning to kill themselves.
Yes, there are risk factors, and we might have clues sometimes. Sometimes these clues may be very diffuse and subtle, that probably would not have been picked up by those other than those closest to that person or a mental health provider.
Of course, people who we know that have a history of depressive episodes, addictions or who have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, we might possibly understand some of their struggles.
Possibly knowing is a key word here. Many of you who have never suffered from major depression, probably cannot imagine the despair and pain a depressed and suicidal person feels.
The other very unfortunate thing that contributes to our “not having a clue” around these suicides is the stigma that obviously kept these two suffering people from seeking help or letting others close to them know how desperate they felt.
Both were in the limelight, well known in their given profession: Kate Spade with fashionistas, and with Anthony Bourdain more globally known because of his worldly food series.
For those on the outside, they had it all: success, money, and fame, and yet each chose to end their life.
Underneath their “happy” or “full of life” personas, which is the personality facade they presented to others, obviously, their life had become hopelessly painful and meaningless.
Neither felt they could continue with the endless pain that consumed them. They felt they couldn’t put on their masks another day.
I can only imagine how draining it must have been for Anthony Bourdain to put on his happy go lucky energetic face in front of cameras when he was secretly gnawed to the core with overwhelming pain and hopelessness.
I have often said that depressed people will generally hide their pain and the extent of their suffering.
Close family members and some chosen close friends that they feel safe in sharing might be aware of their struggles and even suicidal thoughts, but generally, they will not divulge suicidal thoughts except with a mental health provider.
How often do we ask people “how are you doing” so quickly and so matter of a factly as a polite greeting, more than any real need to want to know how they really “feel”.
I tell my patients who are suffering from depression and grief to not answer back a glib and fake “good” when they obviously are not feeling good at all!
Depressed people need to have permission to have and express depressed feelings for God’s sake!
Do we dismiss or question a diabetic having problems regulating their blood sugars?
Do we dismiss or criticize a cancer patient from having a bad day? No, not at all!
Do we remind a cardiac patient how lucky they are to have such a wonderful house, car, job, marriage etc?
Do we remind a person suffering from a chronic illness of any sort to ” just bone up” as if they were some weakling in being able to manage life difficulties?
Why????? Because physical illness is “validated” as being real, whereas mental illness is often not!
You see, despite all the attempts to educate the public about mental illness, there remains in many the “doubt” that it is real, but only a personality weakness or all “in your head”.
That destruction belief implies of course that you should be able to muster up the courage to fight it yourself if you “really wanted to”.
Also, there exists the stigma attached to antidepressants and psychotropic medication.
As a therapist, I can’t count anymore the times’ patients have come in with all the classical symptoms of severe major depression, even suicidal, but blatantly state they don’t want to consider antidepressants but want to treat it only naturally!!!!!
Would they say the same thing to a doctor who told them they have bacterial pneumonia, a stroke, or a heart attack?
Absolutely not!!! Yet with simple colds, they love loading up on medication. “Yeah, I have a cold but I am on antibiotics” I hear often as if that was perfectly acceptable when antibiotics do absolutely nothing to kill cold viruses!
Or worse, hearing that antidepressants are a “crutch”! Would you go up to someone with a fractured leg, hobbling along with crutches, and say “hey, you don’t need those crutches”? A resounding No!
Yes, of course in mild depression, walking and any kind of exercise, meditation, good nutrition, along with psychotherapy, can be helpful, but in major depression, or bipolar disease, PTSD with suicidal ideation, that would be like treating cancer with snake oil!
Besides, in so far as exercise, even getting a severely depressed person, who can’t even get out of bed, or brush his teeth, to get out and walk is liking pulling teeth; you can’t!
Yet, when it comes to considering medication, that has saved thousands of lives, they express suspicion and disdain.
You see dear friends, mental illness is a physical illness with psychiatric symptoms that affect thinking, feeling states, fears, coping strategies, energy levels, sleep, perception, concentration, libido, and general activities of daily living!
Psychotherapy is essential as well to help the patient dealing with any sort of mental illness, with meds or without!
I ended up writing so much about this tragic subject that it went way over in length, so I decided to divide it into two parts, which will work out for me as I will be traveling again soon.
Part two of my post on suicides will delve more into neuronal aspects of mental illness, helping depressed persons and suicidal risk evaluation factors involved to be published on Tuesday, June 19.
In the meantime, other previous posts to be consulted are:
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Cherry, thanks for your insightful perspective about the issues of suicide.
Obviously there is somewhat of a strong “separation” between the emotional and the intellectual sides of many, if not most people; but I have never read any articles accounting for the differences. It appears that the emotional side more often than not “trumps” over the intellectual rational thinking and comprehension of people. That apparently is just human nature.
They have been noting that the suicide rate has been progressively increasing in the USA during the last decade or so. Personally, I feel like I can understand (and somewhat agree) with people who are confronted with increasingly progressive illnesses and conditions. I would certainly prefer to opt out before suffering the psychological pains and anguish of dementia, Alzheimer’s, ALS, etc. I just think that everyone should have the right to make a choice in matters like this.
I have known many people who felt morally and obligated to keep their loved ones in facilities for Alzheimer patients until they die from “forgetting” how to breathe, to eat, etc. Yet most of these people would not put their pets through the pain and anguish of a demise in these conditions. People should have a living will about how they want their medical treatment handled in circumstances like this. I think that Robin Williams, the comedian/actor was suffering from a terminal illness when he chose to commit suicide.
Fortunately, I have never suffered from any type of severe depression. It is difficult for me to understand how physically healthy, intelligent people suffer from such psychological distress that they choose to impulsively commit suicide. Kate Spade had recently sold her corporation for over $2 Billion, and Anthony was a successful chef and businessman. Yet neither of them understood that “. . . this too shall pass.” There would just seem to have to be some sort of “mental/emotional imbalance for healthy, successful people to impulsively decide to “opt out” of life. Perhaps it is related to some type of emotional immaturity that accounts for that. Just consider how a lot of people went through things like the holicost or similar experiences; but they survived it all with a will to live. Perhaps the old adage about how “the tempering is in the fire” accounts for some people’s strength of character emotionally.
It would be interesting to read about the differences between the emotional and the intellectual aspects of the human brain. It seems to me that many peoples intellect is overridden by their emotions. Is there an explanation for that???
Thank you David for your enlightening questions about depression and suicide. In my next post, I point out more in detail about the neurobiological aspects of depression and how it can distort human cognition and perception. I would say that the intellect certainly plays a part in perception that is followed by feelings.
Regarding your last question, the are hemispheric differences of the human brain, called the right and the left. The left dealing more with the language, analytical thought, reason and logic and the right with intuition, imagination, insight, creativity, spatiality and leans more in emotional interpretation. Though both sides of the brain process feeling states the left is involved more in semantic interpretation, and the right more in attaching feelings.
Some are more right hemispherically oriented and focused and some left. Gender does have some influence on this.
Some people are born with more awareness of feelings states and may prefer to define their world using feelings rather than pure intellect. Others are born more inclined to define and express awareness of their world with thoughts, ideas and pure intellectual interpretation.
Major depression can distort the intellectual interpretation of one’s reality to one of deep melancholy and hopelessness, so yes severe neuronal dysfunction can cause morbid feelings to override the intellect.
Euthanasia is different, with philosophical, cultural and sociological aspects and can’t really be compared with suicides due to neuronal dysfunction seen in major depression, PTSD, and other mental illnesses.
Cherry,you can never write too much or way over in length on this dreadful subject .
But will the people who needs help ever seek it on here on before it’s too late ?
In the last seven years I have lost two very close friends to suicide without any warning whatsoever that something was wrong except for they found out they had cancer, they were bother and sister that I have known all my life.
I do believe that Divine intervention and Guardian Angels can play a part in stopping a suicide.
I wish you safe Traveling
Hugs to you
Thank you Isham for your comment very much appreciated and encouraging to this blogger. True, I do not feel that I can ever do enough to share whatever knowledge and experience I have to teach others about the complexities of mental health issues.
If only one person can be persuaded to get help through a concerned friend or family member who read this, then my writing will not be in vain.
Tragically, suicides are seen running in families, (like your friends). The Hemmingway family is an example of this, which I wrote about a while back.
I too believe that Divine intervention has saved some from suicide, as witnessed by the patients themselves.
Hugs to you.