Forbidden Love, Heart Wrenching Story of Héloïse And Abélard

There are so many stories that lurk behind the old walls of Paris.  One that always grabs my heart took place just behind Notre Dame Cathedral on Quai aux Fleurs, facing the Seine and Ile St Louis.

There is a plaque that reminds you that it was here this immensely  tragic love affair took place.  It was a time of courtly love and began in an innocence and naivety that could as easily happen today.

The year was 1117 that the very dashing and renowned scholar Pierre Abélard, aged around 37 years old was drawing hundreds of students from all over Europe to hear his theological lectures at the Abbey of Saint Genevieve. The abbey stood on top of a hill that looked down onto the Seine and Notre Dame.

It is still a fairly steep walk up Rue Montagne Sainte Genevieve., but all that is left of the abbey is the bell tower and parts of the chapel that is now Lycee Henri IV.  Today the Pantheon juts out in front.  

At that time most university studies were centered around theological and philosophical matters.  They were conducted in Latin for which  the Latin Quarter of Paris took its name.

Abelard was said to be a handsome young man and in later letters confessed he never dreaded rejection from women. His fame grew and he was chosen as a canon of the Notre Dame School, and pledged never to marry.

Heloise, a beguiling young maiden of only 17 years was sent to live in Paris to enrich her education.   She was said to be very gifted in the classics and languages.

She lived with her uncle who was also a canon, and it was he who eventually accepted our galant Abelard to become her spiritual/professor mentor.   He apparently fully entrusted the responsibility of caring for and educating his niece to Abelard and left on a long voyage.

Before long the hearts  of these destined to be lovers ,became intertwined and the web of their tragic fate was woven into the fabric of their lives.    As passion is oft to do, it overruled the vow of chastity that Abelard had taken several years before.

It was not long before Heloise discovered she was pregnant and in an effort to hide her condition was sent by Abelard to live in Brittany with his sister.  She later gave birth to a son whom she named Astrolabe.

The uncle, when he returned and ultimately learned of their love affair and child was filled with hatred and grief.   Upon hearing of the furious outrage of her uncle, Abelard sought him out to ask for his forgiveness.

He then offered to marry Heloise if only the uncle pledged to keep the marriage secret, so as to not lose his lofty position in the church, nor destroy his well earned reputation.   The old man seemed somewhat relieved and the marriage was approved.

When Abelard went to retrieve Heloise in order to prepare for the marriage, she surprisingly was hesitant and even disapproving, fearing eventual retribution not only from her uncle but the loss of her beloved  Abelard’s reputation.

She was well aware of the consequences should their union be discovered.  Perhaps even more perplexing and curious,  were her feelings, later discovered in her letters about preferring to being  his mistress versus a wife.

We must consider though that at that time marriages were arranged for financial or political gain, not love.    Heloise’s reluctance around marriage speaks volumes to the underlying deeply felt passion and love for Abelard, that she felt would suffer under the  constraints of a marital contract.

Nevertheless, the marriage took place in the early morning in a small church in Paris, with the uncle present.  Soon after there were rumors of the marriage that had started to spread.

Perhaps in an attempt to quieten them and disprove their validity, Abelard sent Heloise to live in a convent in Argenteuil, just north of Paris.     According to letters, the uncle, upon hearing about this, became even more enraged with anger, thinking that Abelard had lied to him about his devotion to Heloise,and had now abandoned his niece to the convent.

It was at that time when the  “deceived” uncle devised an evil revenge upon poor Abelard.  In the very wee hours of morning, he sent three thugs who sneaked into Abelard’s lodging, tying him up and castrated him.

This horrifically tragic news spread like wildfire throughout the city, which provoked a mixed bag of lamentations, disbelief and disgust.  Abelard wrote in his Historia Calamintatum, that he was consumed with a “blistering shame” and that in referring to this castration, “felt the disgrace more than any pain or hurt to my body”.

He wrote that the loss of his fame and glory caused him more suffering, than anything else.  How justly sad for his displaced wife that Abelard never included the separation from Heloise amongst his most painful moments.

After he physically healed, he felt spiritually unfit and unworthy to even try to return to any form of theological teaching , so he retired to the Monastery of St Denis and then later became an Abbott at the monastery of Saint Guildas de Rhuys in Brittany.    It was there, here he suffered rejection from his fellow monks and later was even accused of heresy by the Vatican for his theological writings.

Poor Heloise, now abandoned to a life of convent living,  eventually took the veil reluctantly.  She too eventually became an Abbess of the Oracle of the Paraclete.

What I find strange and  equally sad and tragic, is that there is no further mention of the fate or life of her son, Astrolabe.   Many years later, and only after Heloise obtained a letter from Abelard, written to one of his friends, did she find the courage to start a correspondence with him.

These letters, written almost twenty years later are a heart rendering outpouring of the love Heloise still felt for her beloved Abelard.  Her declarations of love are infused though with the many years of pain and unrequited longing she went through.

The flames of her passion never waned and remained aglow despite her many years of deprivation and sorrow.  She goes on to say that despite the many years apart; “I love you more than ever” and that”I will  still love you with all the tenderness of my soul till the last moment of my life”.

In one of his responses, Abelard confesses that he encouraged Heloise to become a nun out of his own jealousy that she might find another lover. Heloise responded with much hurt and disbelief that he could have even thought that she would have  been receptive to the arms of another man.

These incredible beautiful written letters, as if still  fresh in a passionate embrace, allows us today a very poignant glance  into the hearts and souls of both Heloise and Abelard.  For me, I found the absence of any mentioning from either of them, regarding their son, Astrolabe, to be  very sad.

I would like to think that any expression of  grief or regret of not being able to raise their son, must have been exchanged and lost.   Abelard in his last letter, lets her know he wants to be buried on the grounds of her convent, the Paraclete,  and stops their correspondence.

Abelard died in 1142 at the age of 63 in another monastery in Burgundy.  His remains were later transferred, honoring his request to be buried on the ground of Heloise’s convent,  the Paraclete.

Heloise died 22 years later and due to her own requests was buried next to her beloved Abelard.  In 1817, a Alexandre Lenoir, who was in charge of French national monuments, was so moved by their history, he decided to create an intricate stone canopy from the fragments of Heloise’s convent and parts of the tomb where Abelard was originally buried and had them transferred to Paris.

These two tragic lovers now repose in peace in the Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris.  Their tomb as seen in the photo is one of the most loveliest and most visited.   What fate had cruelly denied them in the living flesh, it was eventually their destiny in death to be  rejoined again, forever perpetuating their love for ages to come, as they now repose  together for eternity.