The Crosses We Bear

We all have crosses  to bear in life. These heavy burdens that feel like the weight of the world follow us like unending shadows, pushing us to the brink.  Yet, these painful hardships can become some of our most powerful teachers.

Chronic unmet needs, loneliness, mental illnesses, addictions, sorrows, emotional struggles, physical and emotional handicaps, physical illnesses, chronic doubts and fears, unresolved guilt, losses, buried secrets, and the list goes on.

I would venture to say that virtually no one goes unscafed in this life.   It is our human condition. Life is what it is.

Those of wealth and power might provoke your envy, but they too have their share.  You just never know the secret sorrows amongst you.

You can have compassion for others, but you can’t ever know to any extent the depth and breath of someone else’s pain, only your own.  Your fellow travelers may suffer more than you without you ever knowing.

Living on planet earth is imperfect at best.  As we grow older we can even accumulate burdens along the way, without any wrongdoing of our own.

Sometimes one wonders if it is all the luck of the draw as in a game of roulette.  Some treat life as a game of poker, constantly maneuvering to get the best hand to win.

I am not a fatalist by any means, nor for that matter, believe that we should always approach life poker style.  I am much too spiritual for the former and much to sensitive for the latter.

Regardless, we are all this boat of life together, whether we like it or not.  Life is never a tranquil ride downstream, as we are often hurdled on the rocks.

There are some obstacles of life thrown our way that we can overcome or even circumvent around.  There are times we may have to navigate upstream against the current with great persistence and travail to change things in our life that we can.

I call this tug boating, as tug boats do not go fast at all, but they have tremendous strength to push heavy barges even upstream.  Not an easy task, but one I have had to do in my own life to survive.

Some folks believe we create our own crosses in life, and certainly that happens with bad choices we all have probably made in the course of living.  You made your bed, so live with it is an old adage I have heard often.

For me though, that sounds rather punitive with a strong judgmental streak.  I, for one am not above making wrong choices, any more than anyone else.  I have had my share.

Living and dealing with our bad decisions is one thing though.  But what about the hardships that come about through no fault of our own?

I am thinking of the myriad physical and mental handicaps that can plague us.  The many unavoidable losses that occur throughout our life time, including our youth.

Every time I see a blind person miraculously walking around the busy streets of Paris and mastering the Metro(subway), I am awestruck and mindful of the gift of sight we forget to be grateful for every day of our life.  What cruel fate they endure!

Those paralysed and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their life provoke the same sentiment in me.  Every step I take takes on new dimensions of gratefulness.

Many handicaps are invisible you know.  You can’t see mental afflictions, because though they well involve the brain, there are no outwards giveaways to the pain and confusion inside.

Likewise with the lonely and the alone, whose heart is hidden from view and carries that pain in the recesses of their psyche.  The many bereaved among us who have endured cruel losses of children and love ones carry their sorrow to the grave.

The point I am coming to is that in life we will always be affronted with these heavy and painful burdens, visible or invisible, because life is just that way by nature.  How we deal with and carry our crosses is even more to the point of this post.

Dealing with life on life’s terms is a wonderful statement that is frequently tossed around in AA  and other recovery circles.  Because some hardships and  handicaps are unavoidable and even permanent, how we cope with them is extremely significant.

This is when they can become our greatest teachers.  In the midst of our private agony and pain, we are sometimes shoved to the bottom of despair.

With no way out, the intense pain can trigger a miracle of survival that intensifies our quest  for healing. In doing so, rather than be filled with anger, bitterness and resentment, we can choose acceptance with the mental approach of reorganization, optimism and gratitude.

Gratitude?  Really? Yes, not for our losses and handicaps, but for what the pain pushed us to seek; an alternative viewpoint and looking at  what we do have in our lives that is good.   That is why with some alcoholics, you will often hear them say that they are a “grateful alcoholic” because their addiction and recovery brought them into a spiritual path of healing that they would have never taken otherwise.

Christians may see these burdens as sharing the Calvary of Christ.  Jews are reminded of Job and his mysterious restoration through faith.   Buddhists see our sufferings as leading us into awareness.

Acceptance actually becomes freeing.  We just quit battling trying to break through a concrete wall.  It also frees us up to seek things and joys that we can do and experience.

Choosing to accept and be grateful for the good things in our life is primordial to our sense of well-being and happiness.  Yes, there are some deep sorrows that may color our lives, and yes, it can be a struggle to prevail.

Acceptance is the fruit of navigating through life with quiet resolve.  Our life journey affords us many opportunities to learn this valuable gift.

Focusing on gratitude for what we do have in our lives is a way to rise above.    It becomes our mindset, making our limitations, handicaps and sorrows less of a focus, therefore less acutely felt.

Wisdom therefore is the fruit of discerning between the things in life that we can change and the acceptance of things we can’t .  Happiness comes from choosing to seek joy anywhere we can find it and living our life to the fullest, not only despite our losses, sorrows and handicaps, but even carrying them to the finish line in triumph.