The Surrogate Mother Who Refused to Abort

I am often emotionally moved, and touched to the core by events in the news and this is one of them that I felt compelled to share for my 100th post!  Underneath the whole story is a truth in need of being celebrated.

Crystal Kelley is a single mother of a 2 young daughters, who decided to become a surrogate after experiencing the pain of losing two babies in previous miscarriages.  After meeting with a couple several times, who already had 3 other children conceived by in vitro fertilization, she agreed to carry to term the remaining embryos that they had frozen.

One of the embryos took and the pregnancy was proceeding uneventful, until about 21 weeks of gestation, an ultrasound revealed startling and chilling images of a fetus that had multi deformities. The physician in charge gave a 25% chance that this baby  if born, would have a “normal” life.  In addition to a cleft palate, she had a brain deformity , a heart defect  and internal organs that were not in their normal places.

The  “biological parents” wanted Kelley to terminate the pregnancy.  When she adamantly refused, they then offered $10,000 for her to do so.    Kelly admits than in “a weak moment” she counter offered at $15,000. but immediately regretted it and knew she would never consent to an abortion.

Because the state law of Connecticut considers the “biological parents” in cases of surrrogacy to have supreme authority over the fetus, Kelley received a mandate from their lawyer that she had no other choice but to terminate the pregnancy.

The “biological parents” also stated that if she refused and chose to give birth to this child , she would be responsible to pay back all monies so far rendered and any medical bills.

When she let them know under no circumstances would she submit to an abortion, the “biological parents” stated that under Connecticut law, having authority over the baby once born, that they would give her up to be a ward of the state.

Fearing that this “special needs baby”could linger in foster care with limited possibility to be adopted, Kelley decided to seek legal advice  and found a lawyer who took her case for free. She learned  that not all states had the same laws regarding surrogacy.  She discovered that in Michigan, it is the surrogate mother who is considered as having rights over the baby.

Kelley, said she felt had to do what she could to protect the rights of this little unborn baby, who she felt “should be given a fighting chance at life”.  In a drastic move, she then packed up with her two little daughters and moved to Michigan.

Prior to this baby’s birth , the bio parents contacted her again and  stated they wanted their names on the birth certificate, which she refused.    It was then that Kelley  discovered that only the father’s sperm was involved as the egg was obtained from a donor.

Baby S was born on June the 25th and went home in the care of her surrogate mother.  Kelley openly admits that she often wavered whether or not to keep this child that nobody  wanted except her.  In the end though, she felt she did not have the financial means to provide the utmost medical care needed for this baby.

Remembering a couple who had been very sympathetic and supportive to her cause and even helped her pack up to move, she inquired if they would adopt this very special little baby., and allow her to be a part of her life.   The couple happily agreed and little baby S was placed with this loving family soon after her birth.

Baby S is now 8 months old and has been through her first two surgeries, one on her heart and the other to rearrange her internal organs.  In the following year she will have more cardiac interventional surgery and have her clef lip and palate, and misplaced ear  repaired.

Her adoptive mother describes her as waking up every day with an enthusiastic smile, and is so far normal in development, eying and grabbing at toys.  Aware of the precariousness of her future, they are nevertheless committed to giving her the best chance to overcome her disabilities.

I found In reading Kelley’s blog, called “surrogacy insanity”, where she writes very poignantly of her feelings, fears, and emotional conflicts she had in finally making the decision to give up baby S, that she was indeed a  very special women to have brought this baby safely into the world.

She said “I was the one who was feeling her kick and squirm.  I knew she had a fighting spirit, and I wanted to fight for her”.  Despite knowing she would be born with multiple deformities, she listened to her heart and her own truth, and took a path of self-sacrifice and the unknown, by moving to a safe haven in order for baby S to be born.

I admire the courage and all that she had to undertake to save this baby that no one initially wanted, except Kelley.  All reproduction, whether in surrogacy or not, carries inherent risks, whether or not all the genes and chromosomes will line up in perfect order that makes for a normal physiological development.

All parents hope that their child will be “normal” in appearance and health wise, but sometimes that does not happen.  Even if normality  seems the case by ultrasounds and at birth, it is still no guarantee  that child will have a normal heathy development, as some handicaps appear  later.

The decision to have a child carries risks and fears not only in pregnancy but goes well into their development toward adulthood and even beyond.  Having a child is a committment to take whatever God offers and give that child the very best one can in love, attention, devotion and opportunities.

Parents of special needs children don’t see them as a medical diagnosis or define them by their “limitations”.  Nor are they loved any less.  Many bring an expression of love and an enlightenment that has enabled their parents to see life in a new dimension.

We all have limitations and imperfections, but does not define who we are either. I think of the wonderful gifts that Hellen Keller, Louis Braille, gave to the world.  The brilliance of Stephan hawking shines and enlightens despite his multi handicaps.

Who are we to make decisions that belong to God?  None of us can know what the future will bring. We can not see beyond a very limited notion of what life is all about in the first place.

We live in a world where science is being so perfected that the risk of “designer babies” is very real.  I find it terrifying that babies can be “made to order” with the notion that if an aberration occurs, they will be considered “rejects’ and aborted as human defects. Very sadly in certain cultures of India and Asia, undesired babies of female gender are aborted or killed after birth, because of cultural beliefs around females being less desirable and burdensome.

Crystal Kelley never waived in her belief that Baby S deserved to come into this world.  She picked up on this special baby’s spirit early on, and fought multi  battles to see that she was born.  She chose and honored life rather than a surrogacy contract.

“I knew from the beginning, that this little girl had an amazing fighting spirit and whatever challenges were thrown at her, she would go at them with every once of spirit that she could possibly have.  No matter what anybody told me, I became her mother”

For the most part, I believe babies who are to be adopted have a mysterious way of ending up with adoptive parents who in God’s plan were chosen  to raise that child, when their biological mother, for whatever reason couldn’t.

With that in mind the soul of Baby S did a wonderful job in choosing Crystal Kelley, knowing she would be in save hands till delivered to her present loving parents.