Anger, Danger Ahead!

Anger might be one of the most ordinary of human emotions, and practically impossible to avoid, but uncontrolled and or prolonged,  it will destroy.   People kill in anger , maim in anger and cause massive destruction and countless of scars in the hearts of others.

Anger is a violence of thought, words and deeds that seems to have taken root as a righteous need for some to use at will.  Those who grew up in family violence can see it as a way to deal with conflict and keep bearing generations to come, who will do the same.  Anger begets anger and violence.

Angry tantrums of children are to be expected and even normal around age two, when constraints in this life are met for the first time.  The best parents can do is to listen to their need, with as much calm they can gather and then left alone as in time out.  Very hard to do for young parents who nerves are on end.  Children can be great mirrors of anger and tension in a home, and it is up to the parents to maintain a peaceful reign and model non violence of tongue.

I often say that anger and hurt are like a pancake; on one side there is anger, the other side is hurt.   Underneath most anger is the deepest of hurt that has been allowed to fester like a boil.  Some respond to fear and frustration with anger, and in others anger becomes their modus operandi or only way of going through life.

Then there are those who use anger as a way to manipulate others.  They make relationships impossible and becomes a war zone for all.  Non response to their anger is the best route to follow but difficult to do..  With these types there is usually personality disorders at play, as they are often impulsively reactive with anger that comes out of the blue.

To me , anger dished out onto another serves no purpose but to damage and scar.  What people have said in anger towards others in like a dagger in the heart.  Humans rarely forget vicious verbal attacks.  It is like throwing knives at a fence, when you pull them out, the hole remains.  You can go back and apologise to those you have ravaged with angry words, but the damage remains.

Better to learn that anger needs to be controlled or you will leave a path of destruction wherever your anger has been laid.  For those who are hotheads, it is difficult for them to stop and think before they open their mouth and spew verbage of hate.

Chronic anger is toxic for you and whomever you are in contact.  Anger always increases muscle tension, heart rate and blood pressure at times to dangerous levels.  This happens because of the flooding of adrenaline and can even cause trembling of the hands.  Muscle strength increases, which if unleashed in a rage can do much harm to those physically attacked.

Anger triggers headaches and makes migraines worse.  The stomach lining is flooded with gastric juices and becomes inflamed.  Those with irritable bowel syndrome will have more upsets.  Skin is very sensitive to anger too, and will see increased outbreaks of eczema.  I often notice deeper labial creases in the faces of the chronic angry.                                         The heart muscle is the most affected organ and not surprisingly research has shown anger and hostility increases  heart attacks amongst humans, especially men.

Conflict avoidance is essential in those given towards anger.   They have to learn to remove themselves from others when the begin to feel the grip of anger.  This might be to go to another room, or best go outside until some composure can be met.  I ask that they start to breath deeply, as when people are angry, then tend to hold their breath.  Letting others know you are working on controlling your anger is needed of course, so they don’t go trailing after you.

Any form of heavy exercise or walking fast can help alleviate the immediacy of an impending blast.  Far better to build up muscles than burn bridges with those you care. During your cool down time, when you are able to see past your anger some what, think I how you can express how you feel without creating a scene.

If someone has hurt your feelings, a simple, but very effective way is to approach whoever you felt did the deed, with words that convey feelings of your hurt rather than anger.  Much less inflammatory than angry accusations of wrong, would be to say “I felt hurt when I heard this and wanted you to know”.  At least that opens a way for the other person to explain.

Whenever you meet anger with anger you are asking for escalation of war, rather than resolution and dialogue.  Of course its takes two people who care about communication without fireworks for this to occur.

Those who have a problem of chronic anger are generally from a family where they experienced trauma and abuse in childhood.    The old saying that anger must be present already for it to erupt I find truthful.  Those who we attract into our world can mirror back our own anger, until we can release our own bonds.

Therapy is very helpful for these people, if they are willing to look back in their past with honesty and compassion.  They see how they often create angry projections that they attribute to others in the present .  Teaching peaceful resolution of conflict without angry tirades is challenging for patient and therapist at best.  It takes committment from their part and  constant practice for it to work.

Using the energy of anger as gasoline and fuel to makes changes  in your life and the world, can be constructive rather than to stay stuck and blame.  Justified anger at witnessing injustice and wrongs can motivate us to take action to help the oppressed.

Other than the above, going though life angry is just plain dangerous and dumb.  Letting go of anger and replacing it with love, compassion and peace leads to so many more rewards.   I have seen miracles of reversals in the worst sorts, but only with much willingness and persistence.